Once a Bully..............

I started my strange vocational journey back in '91 when I took a temporary position at a new steel processing plant. It was in the process of being built in the middle of a cornfield way out in the country.  At that time I didn't know anything about, well, anything. What in the world is the thing called a PC? Email? WTF is that?!

Long story short - because this is background information only - I feel in love. I loved being a part of making something. I adored driving down the street and seeing what happened with what we made. Not only that, but I'll be honest enough to admit that I loved being one of the few women in the field. I never realized until that time that I really enjoy being a pioneer. I actually relished being under estimated. But then again, I was young and had so much energy. Proving yourself takes a lot of energy. It really does.

So I spent a total of 7 years in the steel business. But then I got bored. Steel is a commodity. We were not cheap by any means, so a strong contract or a big sale was all about the relationships. And honestly, I got tired of the politics.

About that time my boss suggested that I look at going into Food & Beverage. I love to cook, spend a lot of time in grocery stores, am a damned good sales person and pretty creative. Plus, as I said, I was ready for a change.

But it's tough breaking into that particular industry. It's pretty snobby. It doesn't matter how much sales experience you have, if you haven't sold what they sell you can't possibly know anything. Ever. So I walked away from a successful career and took a temp job answering the phone. And slowly but surely worked my way into their hearts and corporate structure. I did whatever they asked. I went where ever they sent me. I worked my ass off, and had some huge success. It freaked even me out. This all made so much sense to me, and the decisions I made or programs I came up with just worked. Really well.

I made a name for myself. I earned the respect of some pretty tough customers. And we all had fun. We still refer to that time, those of us still around anyway, as Camelot. It was magical.

I had to leave the company, and industry for a few years. But I stayed focused on getting back. I posted for every opportunity I found. Finally, after 6 years, I got back in. Not just in, but a great opportunity to lead a team. A high profile team. Yeah, it was across the country from everyone I know and love, but I was back. And it felt good.

Except, it's still a man's world. It's still the good ole boy network. And those contacts? Yeah....they're still around, and we still stay in touch. But I'm in a group that wasn't around then. They don't know what we did, how close we are. They see me as the "new girl". Both new and girl being important points.

I'm the 2nd highest ranking woman in my division. And my team is growing the business 2nd fastest in the country. Oh, we still have struggles, but over all, we are getting it done.

And my peers are making my life a living hell. Seriously. The back stabbing is insane. The lying is out of control. There is no one I can really talk to. No one I can trust. I hate that. And it's getting really Really old.

Last week wore me the hell out. I'm not going into a bunch of details, but let's just say there are gaping holes in my back right now. Huge, put your whole hands in there holes. Asswipes. We had some visitors, things went well, but could they leave well enough alone? Oh hell no. We split up at one time and as soon as my peers got the bigwigs alone they decided it was time to try to play the game Throw Mud All Over Tammi. Lucky for them, at least partially, it didn't work. Remember when I mentioned Camelot? Yeah, the folks they were talking to, well, we were all a part of that. I keep trying to remind these guys that I may be new, but I'm only new to THEM. I have history in this company. Good. Strong. History.

My instinct is to go at 'em head on.  Just throw down. Pull no punches. Let these asswipes know who they are messing with. I could. And I would probably come out ahead. But the damage it would do to my reputation, I'm known for keeping my head down and focusing on the job, not to mention my stress (I have so much to do, the energy it would take to make my point would exhaust me) are not things I care to deal with.

But ohhhhhh I'm just fed up. Done. I keep waiting for karma to step in. Or for them to realize we are adults. This is business. I'm no threat to them. I don't want their jobs. Hell, I need them to be successful, we're a team for cryin' out loud!

Anyway, that's what's eattin' me right now. I have no end to this, just really needed to get this all off my chest. Well, and to express my intense disappointment that, even now, at the level we're functioning, playground bullies are still ever present. And they get uglier as they get older. It's just flat out sad......